Words of wisdom from me...

People who repeatly whine about shit they can't control, should be considered vermin. Vermin who don't realize that their whining will not get them anywhere.
But if they lack the common sense to even acknowledge that their goddamn whining is grating on your nerves, Please consider punching them.

If you're gothic or Nikollas Kollman,please consider the following:

*No One Cares.
*Your whining and ignoring of my advice will only add to fury that I will unleash upon. (FOR NIKOLLAS KOLLMAN)
*Cheer the fuck up, you human equvialent of refuge, you have your whole entire life in front of you and you should be depressed after wasting your entire "Young Years".
*If you see me with flamethrower heading towards "Hot-Topics", RUN!
Because I will have no mercy.
*Irish people aren't depressed. They drown their sorrows in beer.
*Irish people don't whine.

I hate my car

Actually I hate the assumption by mechanics that I am supposed to know stuff about them.

This morning the little "engine warning" light came on. I wasn't in the car at the time; M declined a lift from a colleague to take my car to work only to have the light come on and some scary beepage from the dashboard and had to get a lift with the colleague after all. I have named it "the orange light of death". Just like the "blue screen of death" but slightly different, obviously.

You'd think that butchy = knowledgeable about cars. Not true. It's got wheels and the engine starts when I turn it on. I also know how to work the pedals. Go me!

You'd also think that oil above half full would be ok. But apparently not. The man said that these things (new cars) need to be full. Who knew? There is nothing in the manual (yes, I was standing on the side or my road with a dipstick in one hand and the manual in the other) that says this. I'm supposed to know these things apparently. The man at the garage (this was our second conversation of the day) said that that was probably the problem and will more than likely be sitting around with his mates at lunch time having a good laugh at my expense.

But it's not all that bad. My mother was locked out of her car outside Morrisons the other day with a trolley-full of shopping. And then again outside school with four children. And then again when she was late for a meeting. Just because the clicky-locky-thingy broke. Snigger.

Buggin' Out.

Today we didn't have school. But I did make a promise to come to FRCC today. Did I keep it? NO. Why didn't I keep it? Because I overslept. I stayed up until 3 o'clock.
You know what? I take full responible for being such a lazyass. I promised that I would come. But did I? No.
I have a commitment to Four Rivers, To complete it. Slowly but Surely, I'm coming to realize that I must have made a big mistake by siging up for IT. I thought that IT would've been Software. But boy was I wrong. And I have to take full responibility for it.
You see, I can't live like my father. It just can't happen. I can do better than him.
But I will not drop out.
I refuse to drop out. I Have comrades I can lean on.
I have Comrades who can teach me about the hardware. I just need to buckle down and get some of the shit I owe my IT teacher to him.
I also feel stressed out because my driver's test is coming up and I have barely even had studied for it. I don't feel like I have the right to even contemplate taking the test.
I feel like throwing up, and I haven't thrown up in along time. I don't mean a mini-vomit, where just a little bit comes out. I mean a full on stomach clearing vomiting happens. And It would probably would relax me.
I need to get a job and learn how to drive a car, just for me to feel like that I'm semi-normal with all the kids at school. GOD, I feel so inferior to them.
I love listening to Ultramagnetic Mc's while I'm stressed.
Maybe I should take a hot bath before I go to bed.

The doctor doesn't think I have mumps

After a five second examination of my throat she thinks I have, in her expert opinion, "whatever's going around". I think I'm going to change to another doctor.

IMO "whatever's going around" includes:

sore throat - don't have one
runny nose - don't have one
headache - ok, got one of those
stiff neck - check
hotcoldhotcold - check
temperature - check

and does not include swollen face, bizarrely swollen salivary glands and pain when I move my eyes up, down and side-to-side.

I'm not over the moon with being ill and even though you're thinking it (because I can read minds) I don't think that I am that much of a hypochondriac. Whatever it is, it's a virus so I will keep popping the painkillers.

Alright. I'm back.

Although not with a vengeance because I'm not Bruce Willis and I am feeling a little under the weather.

Short version - my week in summary: new shoes, closer to girlfriend, mumps.

Long version - I think that I may have mumps. I'm not sure (I will find out later today when I go to the doctors) but friends at university have got it and I am probably next. I have swollen salivary glands and am all hot and cold all the time (currently ok). My face is beginning to resemble that of a Tellytubbie. I am also horribly bloated (unrelated) and I am feeling beautiful today, oh yes.

I have noo shoos! They are light suede with black bits (Salomon) and 100% sexy and wonderful. Not too wide and not too hard. I wore my Merrell shoes every day for three years and they were great. I was going to have some more but I thought I'd give Salomon a whirl. My ski boots are Salomon and I love them. I have narrow flat feet (kinda like walking on 15cm rulers) so I have to be fussy over my shoes otherwise I feel like I'm walking in flippers.

It took me five minutes to buy them in Stratford. I was under pressure as M's parents were here but I couldn't help myself from making a bee-line for Blacks as soon as it came into view. They fitted with my "Babe on a Budget" theme as with my vouchers I only ended up spending  25. Great stuff.

But the best news is that I am no longer in a long distance relationship! I am in a "just down the road" relationship. I don't blog much about my relationship but I am really happy that M is here. I know that it is not going to be easy but we both have our eyes open and I am feeling really good about it. I am excited and a little scared but I just want to get on with living and enjoying my time with her.

The hunt has begun

There is something really satisfying about cleaning my car. I am one of those people who will happily spend every Sunday afternoon polishing my car till it shines. Some women are house proud but I am just car proud. The down side is that I have discovered that I have a hole in my shoe after some serious pressure-washing.

I am very fussy about which shoes I buy but this time it is more urgent. My trainers, after three years of every-day wear, have given up the fight for life. After being rebellious and not undoing the laces I have rubbed through the fabric which has caused the hard plastic bit to dig into my heel. As I am a miser at heart, all this means is that I wear thicker socks and some strategically placed elastoplast. This would be no problem but the soles have worn through and the upper bit is starting to detach from the lower bit (hence the hole). In short, the look a bit of a mess. And I have to look good.

I like buying bags and shoes. I can't stop myself from walking into every outdoor shop to look at the outdoor trainers and the rucksacks. I have bags for every occasion; walking, climbing, trekking, running. No handbags or little leather numbers. That is a small lie because I do own a small, dare I say it, smart bag for special occasions. Like weddings.

My cousin is getting married in a few weeks and I have dug out the aforesaid girly bag from the back of my wardrobe. I also tried on my wedding kit (a fabulous Kaliko suit which cost me an effing fortune but it so fantastic that I didn't care). The last time I wore it was at my school graduation and it still fits. It is a little tighter than I'd like but nothing that can't be sorted out with emergency sit-ups. And yes, I shall be wearing the hat.

Is wearing a hat at weddings outdated? I went to a wedding in Toronto and I was the only person wearing one. My hat is not very small (it is a full-on meringue hat) and I stuck out like a sore thumb as the only English person there. People came up to me and said:

"You're English right?"
"Yes"
"Thought so."

My mother and other female members of my family are wandering around muttering "wedding...hat...". Maybe it's a geographical thing. Canadians don't do hats at weddings as far as I can tell. Neither do the Dutch apparently. The etiquette of hats is a nightmare for the uneducated. Fortunately all I need to remember is "keep the hat on until the brides mother takes hers off".

But I am supposed to be an usher. How I am supposed to be an usher with a whopoff millstone of a hat is anyone's guess! Maybe it is not such a good idea. No of course it is a good idea. Be quiet Jane. Ok sorry Jane.

Unclear of my duties (I have never been married myself so I have no real information on the matter) I did a spot of googling and came up with the following....

Best man: Makes sure the groom turns up, is sober and is dressed. Also has rings.
Bridesmaids: Makes sure that the bride is well turned out and does not have the back other dress tucked into her pants.
Usher: Deals with everything inside the church like showing guests to their seats and deals with any emergencies. Expected to have sewing kit and other equipment for when the brides father splits the seat of his trousers five minutes before kick off.

Right. Got it.

The last wedding I actively participated in was for my cousin's first wedding in which the other bridesmaid threw up down the aisle and I started crying (I was five). I promised that I would do neither this time. It should be a giggle anyway. We will look like the beige army but we will wear our hats and look the dogs bollocks. Photos to follow.

It is finished!!!!

Yes I have rediscovered bold type

I have just finished the last metric spaces assignment ever!!! And there was much rejoicing.

And that means only one more maths assignment in my life ever. Unfortunately maths is not totally out of my life as there is the tiny matter of exams and the fact that the tosspots have clumped them all together on one day *snarl* and I have to learn and understand a years worth of stuff. First exams in a month. Damn. Last day tomorrow though so am walking around with a big grin on my face.

Fight The Power

I'm having mixed feeling right now.

I'm Angry, Tired, and Stressed.

I'm also thankful that My best friend Colby is okay after his first accident.

Deep inside I'm seething, I won't mentioned his name. Let's call him, "M" and he is with me in Mr,S's class. yes he is chubby and he could kick my ass. Instead of being a little shit and doing this whole "guerilla" warfare against me, I want him to confront me personally. I want to know just what the hell is his problem with me,
Oh yeah, Did I mention that i feel like a total outsider in "S" class. As a result, of me being a poor motherfucker and having a shitty computer, I don't think what my fellow classmates understand about my feeling is that you should be happy with what you have. Like a computer, I'm lucky to have a damn computer with Internet.

Did I mention that I FUCKING HATE ALMOST ALL COUNTRY MUSIC? If I have to hear that goddamn "cowgirl" song one more time, I'll skull fuck the station manager. Goddamn, Today's country songs either border on being jingostic or being a sad country bumpkin or something like that.

JUST REMEBER KIDS: LIFE IS UNFAIR,LIVE WITH IT.

Oh, yes. The job I applied at buffalo's? I got it. and then after two weeks, i was promptly fired. WHY? Because according to the Kitchen manager,"I was too slow."
Here's the disturbing part, They've been talking about for awhile. But, It was kind of them to call me on my day off and tell I'm fired and that I didn't have to work the rest of the week.
Thanks, Miles and Gloria, for screwing me over.
Because of you,I now have a "Job security" Complex. Also, you have stirred up a cauldron of Odium. I have one question to ask: How long were these dicussions going on? If i had inkling of what was going on, I would've quit.
But the other people at Buffalo's, (like Cooks, waiter, and front people) have been really nice to me. It's a damn shame, they have to work with such Backstabbing managers.

School is about to start. I doubt Dad will be able to pay my school fine. (Which is around 60 some-odd dollars)
But that's just me.

Rock Wall climbing is fun. I tried today at the mall, and you know what? Once you get started, all you worry about is if the next climber-thingy will be big enough for your hands.
I got halfway before I quit.
When they were getting my straps off, I was shaking like a leaf. Even when Me,Mom and Matt where going around in the outdoorsman shop, looking at things, I was still shaking.
I Still can't believe I did it.
But I had a revelation after it. Maybe it was the adrenalin that was still rushing to my head. But, If I can pass the driver's test, I could still be in the road to self-improvement. If I can overcome my fears and stay on the right path, I could actually become successful.

Cute comic

Do you really need to detox?

Place a Kinoki footpad on the sole of your foot before bed, “and by morning the pad will have collected toxins from your body.” Or so said one ad for this widely advertised product. Problem is there’s no good evidence to back up the promise. And the ad is hardly the only one to make dubious claims about a product’s ability to “detoxify” the body. Indeed, proponents of detoxification often make sweeping statements “for which there is no substantive evidence,” says Robert S. Baratz, M.D., Ph.D., president of the National Council Against Health Fraud.

Our medical consultants question whether the body even needs detoxification. “The notion that you can and should flush out your arteries or your intestines may seem plausible but it’s not,” says Edzard Ernst, M.D., Ph.D., professor of complementary medicine at Peninsula Medical School in Exeter, England.

For example, many people think that the liver and kidney act as physical filters that trap potential toxins, such as alcohol, drugs, and other chemicals—hence the idea that you can detoxify them by fasting, for example, or by taking certain supplements. And the idea that the body needs to detox, central to traditional medicine in China, India, and elsewhere, has been adopted by some alternative-medicine practitioners in the West.

But science does not support the idea that those organs are lint traps for toxins and require cleaning. Instead, the liver converts toxins into compounds that are eliminated through the bile and urine, and the kidneys separate the substances that the body needs from harmful or unnecessary ones, which they eliminate. Here’s our take on three common forms of detoxification.

Detox diets

Fasting for a day or so is generally not harmful and might shake you out of an unhealthy eating pattern. But detox diets often involve severe caloric restrictions for a week or more. Moreover, while some focus on fresh produce and whole grains, others drastically limit the foods you eat. Such diets can lead to nutrient deficiencies, blood-sugar problems, severe diarrhea, nausea, and fatigue.

Colon cleansing

Some people regularly take laxatives or give themselves enemas to prevent supposedly harmful substances from building up in the gut. But those treatments are generally useful only in treating occasional constipation. When administered frequently, laxatives and enemas might prevent normal bowel movements and lead to a potentially deadly depletion of vital electrolytes. Coffee enemas have been linked to several deaths due to extreme electrolyte imbalance and infection.

Even riskier is colonic irrigation, a procedure in which a machine pumps water into the rectum through a sterile tube, flushing out the entire colon. We could find no study to support its use to enhance general health. Moreover, in addition to sharing all the dangerous side effects of laxatives and enemas, colonic irrigation might cause bacterial infections from contaminated equipment, and perforation of the rectum, sometimes even resulting in death.

Chelation therapy

This treatment introduces chemicals into the body that will bind with toxic metals, allowing them to be eliminated during excretion. It has been used since the 1950s to treat acute poisoning from lead and iron. Early uncontrolled studies suggested that it might help treat cardiovascular disease, and proponents say it also helps treat autism, cancer, and diabetes.

But we could find no solid research to support such claims. For example, some practitioners administer the chemical EDTA to try to remove calcium from artery-clogging plaque deposits. But several clinical trials show that chelation therapy is ineffective against leg pain stemming from clogged leg arteries.

And research has identified several risks of the treatment, including bone loss, abnormal heartbeat, and death.

Hehe. Sober again

Last few days have been internetless. M's place has dialup but I have not been able to dial up due to shitely placed phone sockets. Argh. Off to the parents tonight. Wedding at the weekend and too much damned revision in between. But at least I will be able to drop into Ikea today and spend money on stuff I don't really need. Talking of stuff I don't need, I am in the process of buying a computer. Well, actually, I do need one. My laptop is currently without USB hole, floppy hole and DVD hole because they're all knackered. So that means no way of getting any information off the computer. No printer. No DVD rewriter. No nothing. Apart from the internet. Oh yeah, and the battery died two years ago so it isn't mobile. It has a maximum radius around the socket in the wall.

I am thinking about a Tiny hot sexy computer. I wish that they wouldn't put effing Works with everything because it is crap and I just can't cope with it.

I am an "inspector". Fear me.

Oooh. Interesting. I took the Myers Briggs personality type test four years ago and got the same result. ISTJ. I'm not that traditionalist and closeminded. Honest! Click here for more exciting information...

As do other Introverted Thinkers, ISTJs often give the initial impression of being aloof and perhaps somewhat cold. Effusive expression of emotional warmth is not something that ISTJs do without considerable energy loss....ISTJs are easily frustrated by the inconsistencies of others, especially when the second parties don't keep their commitments. But they usually keep their feelings to themselves unless they are asked. And when asked, they don't mince words. Truth wins out over tact.

ISTJ - "Trustee". Decisiveness in practical affairs. Guardian of time- honored institutions. Dependable. 11.6% of total population.

yes i think im a movie junkie

Bold the movies that you've seen.

01.Trainspotting
02. Shrek
03. Memento
04. Dogma
05. Strictly Ballroom
06. The Princess Bride
07. Love Actually
08. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings
09. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
10. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
11. Reservoir Dogs
12. Desperado
13. Swordfish
14. Kill Bill Vol. 1
15. Donnie Darko
16. Spirited Away
17. Better Than Sex
18. Sleepy Hollow
19. Pirates of the Caribbean
20. The Eye
21. Requiem for a Dream
22. Dawn of the Dead
23. The Pillow Book
24. The Italian Job
25. Goonies
26. BASEketball
27. The Spice Girls Movie
28. Army of Darkness
29. The Color Purple
30. The Safety of Objects
31. Can't Hardly Wait
32. Mystic Pizza
33. Finding Nemo
34. Monsters Inc
35. Circle of Friends
36. Mary Poppins
37. The Bourne Identity
38. Forrest Gump
39. A Clockwork Orange
40. Kindergarten Cop
41. On The Line
42. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
43. Final Destination
44. Sorority Boys
45. Urban Legend
46. Cheaper by the Dozen
47. Fierce Creatures
48. Dude, Where's My Car
49. Ladyhawke
50. Ghostbusters
51. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
52. Back to the Future
53. An Affair To Remember
54. Somewhere In Time
55. North By Northwest
56. Moulin Rouge
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
58. The Wizard of Oz
59. Zoolander
60. A Walk to Remember
61. Chicago
62. Vanilla Sky
63. The Sweetest Thing
64. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead
65. The Nightmare Before Christmas
66. Chasing Amy
67. Edward Scissorhands
67. Battle Royale
68. Kill Bill Vol. 2
69. Fight Club
70. Clerks
71. The Crow
72. Get Real
73. Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone
74. Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban
75. Wake
76. Silence of the Lambs
77. Pulp Fiction
78. The Crying Game
79. Àmelie
80. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
81. Happy Campers
82. Velvet Goldmine
83. Elephant
84. Peter Pan
85. Camp
86. Particles of Truth
87. The Godfather
88. Big Fish
89. The Passion of the Christ
90. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
91. The Neverending Story
92. The Breakfast Club
93. Newsies
94. Princess Mononoke
95. The Prince of Egypt
96. Grease
97. The Hidden Fortress
98. Troy
99. It Happened One Night
100. Hackers
101. Dead Poets Society
102. Ghost Ship
103. The Wedding Banquet
104. The Red Violin
105. The Beach
106. The Women
107. Run Lola Run
108. The Quiet Man
109. X-Men
110. X-2
111. Spiderman
112. Punch Drunk Love
113. From Dusk 'Til Dawn
114. Joe Vs. The Volcano
115. Meet Joe Black
116. Gregory's Girl
117. In the Time of the Butterflies
118. The Butterfly Effect
119. Dirty Dancing
120. Final Destination 2
121. Rosemary's Baby
122. Spider-Man 2
123. Practical Magic
124. A Shark Tale
125. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
126. A Beautiful Mind
127. About a Boy
128. Ocean's Eleven
129. Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle
130. Aladdin
131. Titus
132. Audrey Rose
133. The Crow: City of Angels
134. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
135. Spaceballs
136. The Silence of the Lambs
137. Lethal Weapon 4
138. Hamlet
139. Richard the Third
140. The Abyss
141. The Hunt for Red October
142. The Shawshank Redemption
143. Dracula
144. Interview with the Vampire
145. Queen of the Dammed
146. Underworld
147. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
148. U-571
149. Origional Sin
150. Saving Private Ryan
151. Bowling for Columbine
152. Platoon
153. The Mummy
154. Braveheart
155. The Incredibles
156. The little princess
157. The secret garden
158. The perfect storm
159. The Road to El dorado
160. Life as a house
161. The man who wasn't there
162. Abre los ojos
163. American Pshyco
164. La stanza del figlio
165. Dogville
166. Novocaine
167. Goodbye Lenin!
168. Igby goes down
169. Anatomy 1 and 2
170. 28 days later
171. The Notebook
172. A Walk to Remember
173. Boogeyman
174. Seed of Chucky
175. Are We There Yet?
176. Amityville Horror
178. House of Wax
179. Man on Fire
180. Out of Time

OMG. Why didn't anyone tell me?

Tinkywinky is a gay icon! Who knew? I am SO behind.

I only found this out a few short minutes ago from Kate. After some googling I discovered that Tinkywinky was outed by the gay press a long time ago - why am I the last to know? There is a huge hoohaa about it because someone said that Tinkywinky was a gay icon for pre-schoolers. What!?!

"It's a great message to kids -- not only that it's OK to be Gay, but the importance of being well-accessorized." - Michael Musto

US Crisis

An Israeli doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can
take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for
work in six weeks.'
A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person,
put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.
A Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can
take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both
looking for work in two weeks.'
An American Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are way behind,
we recently took a man with no brains out of Texas, put him in the White
House for eight years, and now half the country is looking for work.'

Mexican Smuggler

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. He releases Juan and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."

Train turd bomb

Our village has an old fashioned level crossing with gates and a station master. On their way home from school, my little brother and friends would take turns to fill up the toilet with their dirty mess.
Someone would be looking out the window and shout NOW as the train entered the station and passed over the level crossing. Kilos of turd would be dropped from the full bowl, covering the level crossing.
Commuters would have to dodge the turds, cars would spread it all over the road, then the station master would have to scrape it up with his special spade. This happened almost daily.