Sunday, April 12, 2009

Words of wisdom from me...

People who repeatly whine about shit they can't control, should be considered vermin. Vermin who don't realize that their whining will not get them anywhere.
But if they lack the common sense to even acknowledge that their goddamn whining is grating on your nerves, Please consider punching them.

If you're gothic or Nikollas Kollman,please consider the following:

*No One Cares.
*Your whining and ignoring of my advice will only add to fury that I will unleash upon. (FOR NIKOLLAS KOLLMAN)
*Cheer the fuck up, you human equvialent of refuge, you have your whole entire life in front of you and you should be depressed after wasting your entire "Young Years".
*If you see me with flamethrower heading towards "Hot-Topics", RUN!
Because I will have no mercy.
*Irish people aren't depressed. They drown their sorrows in beer.
*Irish people don't whine.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I hate my car

Actually I hate the assumption by mechanics that I am supposed to know stuff about them.

This morning the little "engine warning" light came on. I wasn't in the car at the time; M declined a lift from a colleague to take my car to work only to have the light come on and some scary beepage from the dashboard and had to get a lift with the colleague after all. I have named it "the orange light of death". Just like the "blue screen of death" but slightly different, obviously.

You'd think that butchy = knowledgeable about cars. Not true. It's got wheels and the engine starts when I turn it on. I also know how to work the pedals. Go me!

You'd also think that oil above half full would be ok. But apparently not. The man said that these things (new cars) need to be full. Who knew? There is nothing in the manual (yes, I was standing on the side or my road with a dipstick in one hand and the manual in the other) that says this. I'm supposed to know these things apparently. The man at the garage (this was our second conversation of the day) said that that was probably the problem and will more than likely be sitting around with his mates at lunch time having a good laugh at my expense.

But it's not all that bad. My mother was locked out of her car outside Morrisons the other day with a trolley-full of shopping. And then again outside school with four children. And then again when she was late for a meeting. Just because the clicky-locky-thingy broke. Snigger.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Buggin' Out.

Today we didn't have school. But I did make a promise to come to FRCC today. Did I keep it? NO. Why didn't I keep it? Because I overslept. I stayed up until 3 o'clock.
You know what? I take full responible for being such a lazyass. I promised that I would come. But did I? No.
I have a commitment to Four Rivers, To complete it. Slowly but Surely, I'm coming to realize that I must have made a big mistake by siging up for IT. I thought that IT would've been Software. But boy was I wrong. And I have to take full responibility for it.
You see, I can't live like my father. It just can't happen. I can do better than him.
But I will not drop out.
I refuse to drop out. I Have comrades I can lean on.
I have Comrades who can teach me about the hardware. I just need to buckle down and get some of the shit I owe my IT teacher to him.
I also feel stressed out because my driver's test is coming up and I have barely even had studied for it. I don't feel like I have the right to even contemplate taking the test.
I feel like throwing up, and I haven't thrown up in along time. I don't mean a mini-vomit, where just a little bit comes out. I mean a full on stomach clearing vomiting happens. And It would probably would relax me.
I need to get a job and learn how to drive a car, just for me to feel like that I'm semi-normal with all the kids at school. GOD, I feel so inferior to them.
I love listening to Ultramagnetic Mc's while I'm stressed.
Maybe I should take a hot bath before I go to bed.

The doctor doesn't think I have mumps

After a five second examination of my throat she thinks I have, in her expert opinion, "whatever's going around". I think I'm going to change to another doctor.

IMO "whatever's going around" includes:

sore throat - don't have one
runny nose - don't have one
headache - ok, got one of those
stiff neck - check
hotcoldhotcold - check
temperature - check

and does not include swollen face, bizarrely swollen salivary glands and pain when I move my eyes up, down and side-to-side.

I'm not over the moon with being ill and even though you're thinking it (because I can read minds) I don't think that I am that much of a hypochondriac. Whatever it is, it's a virus so I will keep popping the painkillers.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Alright. I'm back.

Although not with a vengeance because I'm not Bruce Willis and I am feeling a little under the weather.

Short version - my week in summary: new shoes, closer to girlfriend, mumps.

Long version - I think that I may have mumps. I'm not sure (I will find out later today when I go to the doctors) but friends at university have got it and I am probably next. I have swollen salivary glands and am all hot and cold all the time (currently ok). My face is beginning to resemble that of a Tellytubbie. I am also horribly bloated (unrelated) and I am feeling beautiful today, oh yes.

I have noo shoos! They are light suede with black bits (Salomon) and 100% sexy and wonderful. Not too wide and not too hard. I wore my Merrell shoes every day for three years and they were great. I was going to have some more but I thought I'd give Salomon a whirl. My ski boots are Salomon and I love them. I have narrow flat feet (kinda like walking on 15cm rulers) so I have to be fussy over my shoes otherwise I feel like I'm walking in flippers.

It took me five minutes to buy them in Stratford. I was under pressure as M's parents were here but I couldn't help myself from making a bee-line for Blacks as soon as it came into view. They fitted with my "Babe on a Budget" theme as with my vouchers I only ended up spending  25. Great stuff.

But the best news is that I am no longer in a long distance relationship! I am in a "just down the road" relationship. I don't blog much about my relationship but I am really happy that M is here. I know that it is not going to be easy but we both have our eyes open and I am feeling really good about it. I am excited and a little scared but I just want to get on with living and enjoying my time with her.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

The hunt has begun

There is something really satisfying about cleaning my car. I am one of those people who will happily spend every Sunday afternoon polishing my car till it shines. Some women are house proud but I am just car proud. The down side is that I have discovered that I have a hole in my shoe after some serious pressure-washing.

I am very fussy about which shoes I buy but this time it is more urgent. My trainers, after three years of every-day wear, have given up the fight for life. After being rebellious and not undoing the laces I have rubbed through the fabric which has caused the hard plastic bit to dig into my heel. As I am a miser at heart, all this means is that I wear thicker socks and some strategically placed elastoplast. This would be no problem but the soles have worn through and the upper bit is starting to detach from the lower bit (hence the hole). In short, the look a bit of a mess. And I have to look good.

I like buying bags and shoes. I can't stop myself from walking into every outdoor shop to look at the outdoor trainers and the rucksacks. I have bags for every occasion; walking, climbing, trekking, running. No handbags or little leather numbers. That is a small lie because I do own a small, dare I say it, smart bag for special occasions. Like weddings.

My cousin is getting married in a few weeks and I have dug out the aforesaid girly bag from the back of my wardrobe. I also tried on my wedding kit (a fabulous Kaliko suit which cost me an effing fortune but it so fantastic that I didn't care). The last time I wore it was at my school graduation and it still fits. It is a little tighter than I'd like but nothing that can't be sorted out with emergency sit-ups. And yes, I shall be wearing the hat.

Is wearing a hat at weddings outdated? I went to a wedding in Toronto and I was the only person wearing one. My hat is not very small (it is a full-on meringue hat) and I stuck out like a sore thumb as the only English person there. People came up to me and said:

"You're English right?"
"Thought so."

My mother and other female members of my family are wandering around muttering "wedding...hat...". Maybe it's a geographical thing. Canadians don't do hats at weddings as far as I can tell. Neither do the Dutch apparently. The etiquette of hats is a nightmare for the uneducated. Fortunately all I need to remember is "keep the hat on until the brides mother takes hers off".

But I am supposed to be an usher. How I am supposed to be an usher with a whopoff millstone of a hat is anyone's guess! Maybe it is not such a good idea. No of course it is a good idea. Be quiet Jane. Ok sorry Jane.

Unclear of my duties (I have never been married myself so I have no real information on the matter) I did a spot of googling and came up with the following....

Best man: Makes sure the groom turns up, is sober and is dressed. Also has rings.
Bridesmaids: Makes sure that the bride is well turned out and does not have the back other dress tucked into her pants.
Usher: Deals with everything inside the church like showing guests to their seats and deals with any emergencies. Expected to have sewing kit and other equipment for when the brides father splits the seat of his trousers five minutes before kick off.

Right. Got it.

The last wedding I actively participated in was for my cousin's first wedding in which the other bridesmaid threw up down the aisle and I started crying (I was five). I promised that I would do neither this time. It should be a giggle anyway. We will look like the beige army but we will wear our hats and look the dogs bollocks. Photos to follow.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

It is finished!!!!

Yes I have rediscovered bold type

I have just finished the last metric spaces assignment ever!!! And there was much rejoicing.

And that means only one more maths assignment in my life ever. Unfortunately maths is not totally out of my life as there is the tiny matter of exams and the fact that the tosspots have clumped them all together on one day *snarl* and I have to learn and understand a years worth of stuff. First exams in a month. Damn. Last day tomorrow though so am walking around with a big grin on my face.